Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
