I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
