It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
