Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
