I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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