my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize