Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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