T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
