i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
