Four minutes until I can fart!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
