the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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