true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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