It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
