Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
my poor anus
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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