His hands were made for my vagina.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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