My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
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