I swear she didn't look like that last week.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
