How's work?
Spinning.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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