We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
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Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
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My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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