This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
