Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
