4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
