I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dear god my vagina.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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