i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
