I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
