I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
