About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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