perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
When are your genitals available?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
