So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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