If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
