So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
