Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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