I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
