the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
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Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
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That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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