I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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