In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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