i just wanna soil my oats bro
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
