Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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