you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
