i was born a porn star she said
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
