He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
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i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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