I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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