I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
