you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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