It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
