mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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