remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
