Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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