3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
