Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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