Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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