Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
