Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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