You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
