I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
