i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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