handjob tips. give me some.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
