So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
